His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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