Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
