I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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