Got a toothbrush?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize