You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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