very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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