I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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