Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
