i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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