With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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