planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
