You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
