Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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