Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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