We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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