hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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