This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
