remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
