Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
