she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
