My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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