Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
