I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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