So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize