I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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