a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
