he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
