but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
