About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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