When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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