Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize