It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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