his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
