2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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