Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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