It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
