I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
