i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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