is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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