My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
