so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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