I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
