my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
