I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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