Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
