The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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