bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
