I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
