Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
