It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
