Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
