your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize