I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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