Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
