I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
