The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His hands were made for my vagina.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
