haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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