In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
