He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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