then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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