I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
