My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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