Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize