So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize