So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
